Five Reasons the Oklahoma Sooners won’t beat Tulsa
By Joe Buettner
This should be a fun weekend. Except for the fact that the Oklahoma Sooners will not beat the Tulsa Golden Hurricane.
Be real with yourself, Sooner fans. OU will have a 1-1 record by Saturday afternoon, and there’s not much Bob Stoops or anyone can do about it.
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It’s a harsh reality. Oklahoma will surely eradicate their playoff chances. Plus, Tulsa will become the Sooner State’s premier program and they’ll have to rename it the Golden Hurricane State immediately following the game.
The facts are crystal clear. Here are the five definitive reasons Oklahoma will lose their Saturday contest against Tulsa.
1. Oklahoma can’t win an 11 am kickoff. Seriously, is this the Big Ten Conference? OU will sleepwalk through the first half, and by the time Dane Evans has 500 passing yards and four touchdowns through the air, Stoops will finally come to his senses and put in Blake Bell at quarterback. However, it won’t be enough. Bell will drive the Sooners down field, but Tulsa’s Marco Nelson will record his second consecutive game-saving interception with 00:18 left on the game clock and prevent the Oklahoma Sooners from rallying to victory.
2. Trevor Knight has never beat Tulsa before. Knight will be overwhelmed by the Golden Hurricane in his first official meeting with Tulsa. If only Blake Bell didn’t spend the entire off-season practicing at tight end. Knight was good against the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs. But Trevor Knight’s yet to play in a full road game in his short college career. Skelly Field will get the best of him, and Oklahoma will suffer for it.
3. QuikTrip. We all know QuikTrip is God’s gift to Oklahoma. Possibly America. It is the crown jewel of Tulsa. The Oklahoma Sooners football team will give in to the temptation that is QuikTrip. They’ll eat a bunk of junk food and down a few QuikTrip cups before the game, and Tulsa will take advantage of the Sooners. It’s honestly unfair they keep that place open on gameday. You can’t NOT go to QuikTrip when you’re in Tulsa. It’s law.
4. Bob Stoops has never lost to Tulsa. It just makes sense. There’s always that one game the Sooners shouldn’t lose. And they’ve never lost to the Tulsa Golden Hurricane in Bob Stoops’ time with the Sooners. The Golden Hurricane are due for a win, and they’ll get it Saturday because of this meaningless stat that has no effect on the two present teams.
5. Everyone will be ejected. Jordan Evans, Eric Striker, Geneo Grissom, Charles Tapper, and Jordan Phillips will pick up five targeting penalties on the same play. It will be unprecedented, but not out of the realm of possibility. Curse you, safety rules.
Note: If you don’t understand sarcasm, I apologize. Actually, I don’t. But this is in no way meant to be taken seriously. Boomer Sooner.