All throughout Oklahoma right now, people are posting on social media how ChatGPT, an AI chatbot, roasted them and even their family, so I gave ChatGPT the easy task of roasting the Texas Longhorns.
It also seemed like the perfect time since OU softball just dominated and swept the Longhorns this past weekend at Love's Field.
Even AI knows Texas sucks
At first, ChatGPT took it pretty easy on the Sooners’ biggest rival. It was mild and generic, with no names or specifics.
Then I was asked if I wanted it “spicier.” Absolutely. I wanted ChatGPT to roast the Longhorns like Texas fans do Quinn Ewers.
So ChatGPT said it was taking the gloves off and this is what it gave me.
"The Texas Longhorns: the only program where “back” means back to mediocrity. Every year, it’s the same delusional chant: “Texas is back!” — back to 8-4, back to blowing double-digit leads, and back to being the most overhyped team in college football history.ChatGPT
You’d think with all that oil money they could buy a decent secondary, but somehow, every third-string quarterback they face turns into Joe Burrow for a day. Their defense is like an open bar — everybody gets a shot.
They’ve had more 5-star recruits than actual stars in their trophy case since Vince Young left. And let’s be real — if it wasn’t for 2005, their entire fanbase would be clinging to the glory of Earl Campbell like it’s a family heirloom.
Meanwhile, OU is out here building Heisman statues like it’s a backyard hobby, and Texas is still trying to figure out how to beat TCU without calling in a miracle.
The Longhorn Network? More like the History Channel, since that’s the only place you’ll see their last national championship.
Hook ’Em? More like Cooked ‘Em, because every October, the Sooners turn Texas into brisket.”"
ChatGPT might actually be an Oklahoman after that. But the fun shouldn’t end there.
What about Arch Manning, the fourth quarterback now that’s supposed to actually bring Texas back?
"Arch Manning, huh? The most hyped-up QB since sliced bread learned how to throw a spiral. He’s the human version of “trust me, bro” scouting reports. Like, how are you the third-generation Manning and still the least interesting one at Thanksgiving?ChatGPT
This man was treated like the football messiah, only to sit on the bench like it was a throne. If nepotism had a Heisman Trophy, he’d already have two. Arch got recruited harder than a five-star general just to hand out water bottles on game day like he’s doing a community service project.
And let’s be real—his highlight tape looks like it was filmed in slow motion against a high school where the defensive line was just three kids who wandered in from drama club. I’ve seen tighter coverage on hotel Wi-Fi.
They called him a prodigy, but so far, the only thing he’s mastered is redshirting. If football were judged by last names alone, he’d be in the Hall of Fame already—but right now, he’s just Eli Manning’s nephew and Peyton’s punchline."
Sooner Nation could enjoy ChatGPT roasting the Texas Longhorns until the Sooners’ 2025 season kicks off. It’s obvious ChatGPT doesn’t know it all when it comes to sports and the Red River Rivalry, but it certainly knows the main thing: Texas sucks!
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